i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
