He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My penis needs a shock collar
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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