First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
