God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
