my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
