and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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