Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..