There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.