An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.