I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?