Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body