seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea