I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
