Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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