I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
