there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
