fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
