He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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