Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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