I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't deserve a penis
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
