wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
