It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
