After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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