Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
