READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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