Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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