I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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