I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
