He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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