he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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