just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
