We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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