we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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