I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
