I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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