i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
