he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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