After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
