i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
