You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
