Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
