You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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