I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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