i would punch a child for taco bell
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
