you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had sex on a roof
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
