Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
