I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didn't shave. On purpose
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
