I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
whose parrot is this?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
