that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
