Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
