My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
