But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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