it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
