some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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