everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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