garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
