from now on my penis is your penis
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
