New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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