the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
