sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
