you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
