What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
