i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
