I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
