Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
