I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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