Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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