I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
