we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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