it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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