I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
